Duoshoudang \Duòsh?ud?ng \ 剁手黨 n. people who are addicted to online shopping and vow repeatedly to quit but can’t. as long as they have hands, won’t stop clicking the ‘buy now’ button. They are easy to identify – they’re the ones who appeared crazily happy last month, yet now have no money for food. While the exact size of the duoshoudang party is unknown, it is estimated to be in the millions. Every night, they return from work and sit in front of the computer, focus all their energy on online shopping. The duoshoudang search diligently for coupons. They keep multiple tabs open to compare prices. They read page-long reviews. They enter credit card details in a subconscious act of muscle memory. They shop to celebrate; they shop to console. They believe that ‘owning’ equals ‘living.’ I shop, therefore I am. Some say the Internet was invented for porn, built on the assumption that sex is the one thing that everyone craves the most. But that assertion no longer rings true. The Internet was actually invented for shopping, because the desire to own material goods has already replaced the desire for carnal pleasure. In fact, a famous saying of duoshoudang is: “Orgasms last five seconds, but the high of owning a designer handbag lasts at least five months.” Cutting off one’s hand may sound dramatic but the term has roots in reality. Three years ago, a Zhejiang woman surnamed Zhang almost cut off her hand because her online shopping addiction. She was later rushed to hospital where doctors were able to reattach her severed thumb. Let that be a warning. The Internet is a store that never closes. It’ll always be ready for our custom, so there will always be hands that have gotta go.